long time no bullshit.

okay so i havent wrote in here in forever because well...way to much stuff has been going down. i've had people walk in and people walk out. ive had a birthday since the last time i wrote. it was fun. got way smashed like i do every week. drinking will be the death of me as i know it i sware. ive started talking to an old friend and half old flame but i'm not so sure its a good idea. its one of those things i love and want but at the same time think is a HUGE mistake. i just am always scared to take steps a head in situations like this. who fuckin knows what i'll end up doing. i would love to go on a vacation. just get the hell outta here. this sucky no name town filled with worthless people. i can count the people i trust on one fucking hand. thats kinda sad. tonight feels like it would be a good diner and cigarettes kinda night. to bad they banned smoking inside in my state of lovely new jersey. its really windy out. like the kind that would take your car off the road. sigh..im extremely depressed but i'm hiding it. im not happy with anything right now. i just want a job and to be happy again. not have to worry about money every fuckin day and gas. i end up drinking it away anyway. fucking a. you know if i had the money id move the hell outta here. start new where no one knows me. i'm off to watch Betty White on SNL. night world. try not to fuck me tomorrow in any way. oh yeah. happy mothers day. xxx ♥♥♥♥